The idea of starting a new chapter in this book of life excites me through and through. As I take the time to meet myself in the present moment, I am reminded of laughter, joy, prayers, love, and dreams. Believing in myself has always been an uphill battle for me. Being raised in an environment where almost didn’t count and second place was the first loser turned me into a striving perfectionist. Chasing carrots that others would dangle in front of me on a string. I am and have always been my harshest critique. I could save someone from a burning building and be frustrated with not using the proper technique.
Maybe I’m just like my mother? She’s never satisfied. If there is anything I have learned about myself, it’s that complacency makes me uneasy. I always want to feel like I am striving towards a medal or a trophy, to be the best, to be the most loved. What will become of me if I never realize that there’s no truth in that?
As I deepen my connection to myself through my practice, I can sense my mind becoming more malleable. Now, when I walk past mirrors, I see myself and smile. I can feel myself changing from the inside out.
What do you think you are worthy of in this life? What do you deserve? I have realized that my younger self longed so deeply to be loved that I was willing to accept crumbs from strangers and considered the bare minimum as enough. I spent my fair share of hours sitting on the porch, waiting for a father who may or may not show up. Can you say avoidant attachment?
My healing is a choice and my responsibility. I understand that it is my job to restore whatever I may be lacking. Remembered or forgotten, I am still worthy of genuine love, and so are you.
🎶- Solange - Weary
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