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Balancing Happiness and Ambition

Like any other red-blooded black woman, I constantly crave societal validation. As a self-proclaimed reformed careless hippie, I am transitioning into an authentic and carefree black woman. As a young child, I remember being taught to be quiet, stay in line, and continually raise my hand. A good child knows when to remain silent and how to appropriately answer questions. After years of falling in line and participating in societal norms, I rebelled after college. If the fringe of society has an actual location, I was standing in the queue.

During the pandemic, I started to see a shift in myself. After finally becoming a professional ice skater and touring, I could feel my inner child genuinely begin to heal. I returned home feeling more confident and sure of myself as a woman. I replaced my old clothing with new stylish pieces and am having a blast reinventing myself. Ever since I was a young child, I remember always wanting to succeed. I deeply desired to own my business, be rich, and have homes on the east and west coast. I didn't think of how or struggle; I knew it was my destiny.

After nearly a decade of sleeping on myself, splitting my earnings 50/50 with yoga studios, and settling for less, I have finally moved on. Healing from depression and anxiety is beautiful but has some harsh awakenings. I realized I hadn't planned for my future appropriately because I never allowed myself to visualize one. I am doing well myself now that I have made it here. At times I notice myself being super critical of myself due to my ambition. After ultimately having no goals, I now have many that I feel I can actually achieve. In my mind, I can hear a voice crunching time. It's very annoying, so I am creating more balance to become a happier person.

I often spend my day's filming, editing, editing, writing, and working out. It has been a long time since I've been on a date, but I recently realized that I probably won't meet my significant other by staying in my house! With this year coming close and a new year on the horizon, I am committing to spending more time having fun. I have fun when I join my friends for dinner or invite them over for yoga, frequent my favorite coffee shops, or explore markets in the city. The more time I make for happy breaks, the closer I become to achieving my goals. Good luck on your journey! Cheers to staying connected!

Photo: Milan Boyer



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